darling duckie

strawberries and sunshine

I have a tendency to get so caught up in the dirty dishes and the to do lists that days will go by and we hardly felt the sun on our faces. But some days I get my head out of the house and we land ourselves on the porch with the camera, strawberries, and bubbles.

Much better than endless dishes.

cousins

A few months ago we took some pictures of Millie with her cousin Barrett. They were so funny together, although Millie would not smile.

 

lately

Well... lately as in the last month or so.

+We went to the Springville Museum of Art. Always good. We love it there. And Millie loves to push the stroller around.

+We have been going on lots of walks. Sometimes a few a day. And Millie loves when she can do all the walking.

+Her favorite hiding place.

+The birthday Dunford donut. Yum.

+And the birthday cake. She ate it so delicately. One pinch at a time.

on the day she was born

I had stayed awake far too late. My body must have known, choosing to go into labor only a few hours after I had finally shut my eyes.

I was told that I would know when labor started. But I didn't really know what was going on. I just had a stomach ache. Maybe it took a while to make the connection because my brain was still trying desperately to sleep. I pulled my phone out and timed each stomach ache. Sure enough the pains had a pattern. They were far enough apart that I would just sleep for the 15 minutes inbetween.

I wanted Billy to wake up, to comfort me, but he slept through it all. Lucky to be a man.

The preparation for this experience had been very minimal. And when it was all happening, I was more frightened than I had realized. I was scared of what it meant to go through labor, to push a child out, to recover. I was scared because I had only ever held a few newborns before. There would be no passing her on to my sisters when she would cry. Billy had held even less.

Quite the pair we were.

Then there was the terror of the pain I felt and the pain I would feel. I fought each contraction, which made each one more painful. Silently I prayed that this was it because if it was going to be worse than this, I didn't want to even try.

Hours later the decision was made. We would have a c-section. It was the way it needed to be. To say that all the work from then on out was easy would be a flat out lie. The only thing that kept me from passing out or becoming uncontrollably hysterical was knowing that Billy was right there, holding my hand and reminding me to breath. Laying on my back, arms strapped, I would look him in the eyes. He was calm, quiet. I knew that he would not leave me. Then I would close my eyes, reminding myself "breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out."

As they pulled her out, with a faint little cry, she was born. She was tired and worn from the journey and so was I. She calmly waited as they weighed and measured and cleaned. All the while I lay on the table, looking up at Billy, both of us with tears in our eyes.

We had done it. We had created, suffered, survived, and now been rewarded with a little soul to love.

guess who

Guess who turns one tomorrow??

She has been talking about it all week.

indulge me

...because these pictures where just too cute not to share.

never just a mom

 

 

Just Moms by Ash Leishman

I have a friend who makes documentaries. (Doesn't that sound cool? I believe that just by knowing her my coolness factor increases several notches.) She has traveled the world working on them.

A few months ago she came over and spent the day with the child and me. She followed us around on our walk and watched us read together all the while she asked me questions about being a mom. It was still so new and raw that my thoughts kept going back to how hard it is. But every time I watch this movie I remember how much I love being Millie's mum. It doesn't mean it's not hard anymore but I am more in love with that little girl now and am so happy that she is mine. And you know what? It is easy to see how much Millie has grown and changed physically since this was shot. But what really stands out to me is how much I have changed. For the better. And it is all thanks to Millie.

So thank you, Ashley, for letting me be a part of your project and giving me tangible evidence that I really have grown and that I truly love being a mom.

 

Ash Leishman is busy revamping her professional life so for now you can see more of here work here. And she did our family pictures here.

a pox on both your houses

Were you aware that the chicken pox still roamed the earth?

Actually, I wasn't aware it was so rare and that there was a vaccine for it until only a couple of weeks ago.

I remember very little from getting chicken pox as a child other than the pink goo that we put on the spots. There was that time my dad tickled me, which pulled one of the scabs off that left a mark.

When Millicent had a couple of spots on her little body, I didn't even consider chicken pox. A rash, maybe. Allergic reation, I hoped not. But chicken pox? From where? From who?

I think I was more freaked out by the spots than she was. To me she looked like Madame Mim. You know, like this:

(source)

In reality she looked like this:

Or like this:

And once she looked like this:

But don't be fooled. She was not crying from pain or itchiness. She just wanted the remote. She could not have cared less that she had the chicken pox.

a day with the animals

The other day Millicent spent a lovely afternoon playing with the animals that roam her blue bedroom. She giggled at the hopping frogs that ribbit-ed in reply and gave slobbery kisses to a passing blue butterfly. There was an elephant just the right size for a miniature person to lay her head upon. The giraffes were stuck on the wall so they just watched and shouted periodic insults to the duck that was being cuddled, but only because they were so jealous. There was even a tree that was shaped quite a bit like mother dear, which Millie rather enjoyed climbing. In fact, she liked that most of all.

rollin' around

Mornings are crazy with Millie. (Once she has eaten) she is so happy and chatty. The two of us hang out on the bed and she rolls and dives and squeals and giggles. I love it.